Hi Clare, I’m 25 and my inner lips hang down 3cm. My problem is that when I tried to have sex, it felt very painful for me. I didn’t know why, since I got very lubricated at the time, so it couldn’t be because of a lack of lubrication. Maybe this pain was due to my labia minora getting in the way during the intercourse… Do you know how women like me deal with this difficulty please? Also, is there a way for women to lubricate less during an intercourse, because it can lead to a loss of sensations at times? Thank you for your website and your advice. Here are some pictures of my vaginal opening. I hope they will help you identify my problem.
You may be relieved to hear that pain during intercourse is a very common complaint among women, so you are not alone.
Based on your pictures, your hymen is no longer there and there are no remnants of your hymen getting in the way of your partner’s penis during intercourse. Even though your labia minora / inner lips hang down 3cm, it looks unlikely from your pictures that they get in the way during intercourse.
However, there could be many other reasons for your pain, and you will need to investigate this using my advice below to figure out what the problem could be.
Firstly, pain during intercourse can be caused by certain sexual positions. Positions where the penetration is particularly deep can often lead to pain. You may wish to try out different positions to establish whether the pain has something to do with the positions that you and your partner are using.
Secondly, it may be that your partner has a large penis (either in length or width). If this is the case, finding positions that are most comfortable, and that allow you to take him in without too much difficulty, may be of assistance.
Thirdly, if the penetration is particularly vigorous and involves fast thrusting, this could be a contributing factor. If so, you should ask your partner to slow down.
You mentioned that you get wet during intercourse. Even if this is the case, if you are anxious about feeling pain or about other issues while having intercourse, and this may be causing you to “clamp up” during intercourse. So aside from the possible physical causes that I have listed above, the pain may have a psychological cause. If this is the case, communication with your partner, and even with a therapist, might help.
I hope that these tips help you to get to the bottom of the problem. Sex should be something that you enjoy, and not a painful or stressful experience.
With regard to your question about how to get wet less in order to increase the sensation during sex, lubrication is your body’s natural way of preparing for penetration when you are aroused. I don’t know of any methods to avoid or reduce lubrication. Remember, the lubrication is there for a good reason, and it’s better for it to be wet and slippery than to deal with dryness and friction which can make things very uncomfortable.