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Make a Submission

This blog is driven by submissions from users of their pictures, experiences and stories. Submissions are a huge help to others who may be going through the same struggles. To make a submission, e-mail clare@labiaproject.com

All submissions are treated with the strictest discretion and confidence, and your name will never be published on the site.

Thank You

My partner alerted me to your site. We have been together for almost 10 yrs. Although we’ve enjoyed a very warm and supportive relationship, I know my partner remains very self-conscious about her vulva. This site has empowered her and provided peace of mind. As a cis-gendered bisexual male, my voice isn’t very relevant, but I wanted to say thank you on behalf of my (shy) partner and also to say thank you on our behalf of her for to the brave and beautiful people who have shared their experiences and anxieties. There is a toxic culture of body-negativity in cismale culture and I know of no such supportive resource for male presenting persons. Thank you all from us both for your courage and support.

I generally don’t post male submissions on the site, but I have made an exception with your submission.

I’m so happy to hear that the Labia Project has been able to help your partner and has provided her with some comfort. The women who post their stories and submissions on the site are indeed brave, and it is because of them that this resource has been able to grow and to help women to confront and address issues around self-esteem.

If your partner ever feels brave enough to share her story or to pictures on the Labia Project, that would be wonderful.

I am also not aware of a similar resource for male-presenting persons, and I agree that there is definitely a need for one out there!

Clare xo

Struggled with deep insecurities about my labia

deep insecurities about my labia fleshy labia minora standing labia picture

I have struggled with very deep insecurities about my labia for years. For a long time I have thought I was deformed. Sex has become something I push away, because I don’t want my husband anywhere near my labia, which has caused a lot of tension in my marriage. Even after 12 years of being together, and constant reassurances from him that he loves me just the way I am, I am incredibly self conscious and it started taking its toll on us. I began talking to a therapist, and she encouraged me to look at myself every day in a mirror, which has began to help, which I saw another woman on here who said it has also helped her. I also came across your blog and it was a huge relief to see women who are confident and proud, and who look similar to me. While I am still working on accepting the look of my labia, I want to thank you for creating something like this, because it is not a well talked about subject. My husband encouraged me to post after I showed him the site, so I am sending my submission as a way to help get myself past the panic I feel and as a step towards accepting myself exactly as I am. And who knows, maybe I can help someone who is finding themselves on a similar journey!

Thank you for sharing your story and your lovely pictures.

I’m very proud of you for taking the crucial step of talking to a therapist. When issues like this remain bottled in, they tend to build up and fester, and they can end up affecting many areas of life including self-confidence and sexual wellbeing.

Your husband sounds like a great guy, and you are fortunate to have a supportive and understanding partner. It’s also great to get positive feedback about the Labia Project and the tips on the site for becoming comfortable with your vulva.

Reaching a point of self-acceptance is a journey and it is not something that will happen overnight. It sounds like you have made big strides on that journey, and hopefully your story will help to inspire others who are experiencing similar battles.

Clare xo

Becoming Sexually Conscious: Explore Your Desire

“…[T]he sexual norms we inherit bear little resemblance to what people actually do. I think it would be great if everyone told the truth—for one moment—about their actual sexual practices and relationships, affairs, and arrangements, fantasies and desires. The diversity would amaze us all.” Staci Haines, “Healing Sex: A Mind-Body Approach to Healing Sexual Trauma.”

In my workshop on Empowered Sexuality for Women, I give my class participants a list of sexual activities to begin to explore the edges of their desires. A list is a great—and very safe way—to begin to explore desire. And it is just a starting point. Below, I’ll share additional ideas for moving beyond the list to explore sexual desire further.

Exploring the edges of sexual desire can be scary—evoking all sorts of complex feelings, especially if sex has involved abuse or shame. But when we are in charge of this exploration, we’re in the driver’s seat—meaning, we are fully at choice. As such, we can quit if something doesn’t feel right, or we can choose to continue and allow the full range of feelings we experience. As long as we are not re-experiencing shame as we explore, finding out what turns us on can be richly pleasurable and highly empowering.

Something we must have before we explore is a solid grounding in self-acceptance, particularly of our bodies and our sexuality. These days, so many women struggle with body image because we live in a culture that trains women that their value comes from being pleasing to others—and the range of what culture defines as pleasing is shockingly narrow, defined by the fashion and porn industries. Thus, it can be hard for a woman to feel excited about exploring desire and turn-ons, if she does not feel as if she fits culture’s image of what’s pleasing. What can help a woman break free of culturally imposed limitations is accepting that beauty comes in all sizes, shapes and colors, and that includes breasts and genitals. If you struggle with accepting that your labia is perfect as it is, look through the Labia Library and take in the range of sizes, colors, and shapes of labia. You’ll be amazed—and hopefully will recognize how absurd it is to measure yourself against the unreality of fashion and porn, both of which promote the most narrow vision possible of “beauty.”

The following are three additional ways I have encouraged client and class participants to explore the realm of their desires:

First, I encourage people to ask friends what turns them on. The truth is, a lot of people are relieved to talk about sex once someone else raises the subject. You both might learn something—and open your friendship in a way that fosters greater connection. From attending workshops through The Human Awareness Institute, I’ve developed a group of friends who are comfortable talking about sex. It is incredible—normalizing—positive—and really fun to be able to talk openly with friends about something we usually keep hidden.

Second, I encourage people–especially women–to read erotica. Many women find erotica to be a fabulous way to stoke desire and to evoke the imagination, a powerful source of desire for women. A few good starters include three annual series: Best Women’s Erotica, Best American Erotica and Best Lesbian Erotica. The website, literotica.com is also a good site, with offerings far beyond erotica.

Finally, some erotic DVDs can be both instructive and a turn-on. In particular, the Alexander Institute produces DVDs that are both erotic and educational. The videos are explicit—and—are far more satisfying than pornography, especially for women. Specific DVDs I can recommend include:

  • The Modern Kama Sutra, An Erotic Workshop for Lovers
    • Vol. I: Sensual Secrets to Amazing Sex
    • Vol. II: Pleasuring Her First
    • Vol. III: Sexual Positions for Great Sex
  • Woman to Woman Erotic Touch for Great Sex
  • The Art of Advanced Oral Sex
  • Advanced Sex Toys for Great Sex

Watched alone or with a partner, erotic videos can be a great way to open your desire and spice up your sex life!

Knowing what turns us on doesn’t mean we have to do everything that sparks our desire—that’s an entirely different conversation. But knowing allows us to choose—and to normalize feeling turned on. For anyone who has experienced shame around pleasure as a result of sex abuse, religious or family messaging, allowing desire without shame is fabulous. Happy explorations!

Jane Steckbeck, Clinical Sexologist and Certified Sex Coach

Big Labia Minora

big labia minoraI always hated my big labia minora, but I realized guys don’t care. I have noticed they care more about having bigger boobs or a bigger butt, but that’s a different story. I think it’s silly I even had the insecurities I had about my vagina. Also, guys feel the same way about their penises being too big or too small/circumcised vs uncircumcised.

Thank you for your lovely submission 🙂

You are 100% correct that generally, guys don’t care if you have outie or innie labia, or if your labia minora are more or less prominent. Many womens’ insecurities around this, cause them to hold back on allowing themselves to enjoy their sexual experiences.

Clare xo

I sometimes feel physical discomfort with my vulva

physical discomfort with my vulvaFirst of all, a big thank you for this website, it has helped me so much with my self-confidence these last months. Now I don’t believe that my vulva is abnormal anymore, but only bigger than the average. I sometimes feel physical discomfort with my vulva and I just still have two difficulties that I’d like to talk about: –

First, I don’t feel at ease with wearing some types of pants such as jeans, because they are often too tight at the crotch. It makes me feel physically uncomfortable… So now I wear more skirts and flexible pants, but I’d like to wear comfortable jeans sometimes. Do you have any wearing tips for women like me please? For example, are there brands that take this difference into account and create fluider jeans? Or do I have to try the men’s department store…

I also have a sexual problem. Indeed, when I had sex with men, the penetration felt painful to me… Could it be because my labia minora exceed my vulva and rub too much during the intercourse? If so, what can I do about it?

Thanks in advance for your answer.

Thank you for your submission. I’m so happy to hear that the Labia Project has helped you to realize that your vulva is not abnormal in any way.

With regard to jeans, you need to find a cut and style that is more comfortable for you. Many jeans brands have a big range of styles to suit different tastes and preferences. Levi’s, for example, have a huge range of styles which includes looser cuts. The Levi’s website has details of their full range. Spend some time at your local mall trying on different styles to see which one suits your comfort level best and is not too tight at the crotch.

With regard to your second issue, lubrication might be the solution. If your natural lubrication is not enough to reduce chafing and friction during intercourse, you may wish to try out a lubricant to make things smoother – K-Y makes a number of excellent and inexpensive lubricants. You can look at the K-Y website to see what they have.

Please let me know how it goes with trying out my suggestions!

Clare xo

Using a mirror to embrace my vagina

Using a mirror to embrace my vaginaI read the post about using a mirror to embrace my vagina and I have tried out the technique of spending a few minutes every day making peace with my vagina. I did not think it would help with my self image but it has actually done wonders as I feel more self-confident and I accept my vagina as it is. I thought I’d share a pic of me using the technique. Ladies, please try it, it really does work! And I can’t thank you enough for this site, it’s been an amazing resource for me over the years!

It’s wonderful to hear that the technique suggested by Coach Jane (a very accomplished and experienced clinical sexologist / sex coach) in her post called Reverence Starts in the Mirror has helped you! Thank you for sharing!

Clare xo

Is my vagina normal? Dr Zoe talks about designer vaginas

One of the questions most frequently asked by women who write to me is “is my vagina normal”?

The fact that there is a need to ask the question shows how little women are taught about what is normal when it comes to their vulvas. This has led to an increase in genital cosmetic surgery around the world.

Watch this short video of an interview with Dr Zoe (a medical doctor who practices as a GP). In the video, she covers the topic of genital cosmetic surgery and explains (with illustrated pictures) what is normal when it comes to variations in womens’ genital anatomy…

Never been comfortable with my labia

Never been comfortable with my labialarge labia garter stockingsbig labia lips garter   shiny labia spread long labiaI am a 47 yo female from Norway. I have never been comfortable with my labia and with my body in general. But after i lost some weight and got a new job i realized that my boyfriend had been right all the time: i am unique, i am beautiful the way i am. After i had discovered this and with my new and better self confidence i could go on becoming a whole women: experiencing sex between to women. I am now a very happy mother of 2 and i am completely relaxed and comfortable with my whole body and the way i look.

Thank you for your wonderful story and for sharing your beautiful pictures. I’m so happy that you have managed to overcome your insecurities, and that you now enjoy a more fulfilling sex life.

Body issues prevent many women from the full enjoyment of intimacy. It’s truly a tragedy. Your experience shows that it is possible for women, at any stage of their lives, to triumph over deep-set insecurities regarding their vulvas.

Clare xo

Never really even gave the look of my vagina a second thought

the look of my vaginaCould you please post my picture? I’ve never really even gave the look of my vagina a second thought.. I think all vaginas are beautiful and if a guy ever said anything about how my vagina looks (in a negative way) to me.. well then that’s on him, not me.

I’m loving your positive attitude! All vaginas are unique and beautiful in their own way 🙂 Thank you for submitting!

Clare xo

Proud of my labia

Proud of my labia Proud of my labia 2Just wanted to show that I am proud of my Labia! I always look at them in the mirror especially when I have an orgasm and love how they get so big and swell! I actually cum by just gently tugging at my lips!! God,I really don’t understand why woman don’t love them when they feel so good!! Thank you for letting me share my photos 😄 xx

Thank you for your lovely submission!

Clare xo