Category Archives: Submissions

Self conscious about my large vulva

I am 16 and I have been self conscious about my large vulva for a while now; the part of my vagina in front of my clitoris is abnormally large and hangs down like a sac, and when I wear even normal underwear my vagina looks extremely bulgy and more like a mans genitalia than a womans. I don’t know what to do I am so self conscious and am afraid of what others and especially guys will think when being intimate or even going to the beach as my vulva is so large.

You are at an age where you are learning about your body, and it is normal to have insecurities like the ones you describe in your submission. If it makes you feel any better, many of girls have similar insecurities.

You have used terms such as “large” and “abnormal” in describing your vulva.  I’m not sure what your reference point is, and what you would consider a “normal” vulva to look like (as compared to yours).

What I do know is that no two vulvas are exactly alike, and vulvas come in a range of different sizes which are considered normal. This includes vulvas with labia minora (the inner lips) which protrude outside of the outer lips to differing extents. This may be what you are referring to when you say that the part in front of your clitoris hands down.

With regard to your concern about what a guy will think when being intimate with you, the size of your labia will probably be the furthest thought from his mind. Most guys are so thrilled to be getting intimate that they are not focused on issues like this.

There are some useful techniques that you can use to reduce the appearance of a bulge when wearing swimsuits. Try wearing black or patterned colors, as this makes the contours less visible. If you are still self conscious, you could wear swimming shorts over your bikini bottoms.

Clare xo

Why I got a labiaplasty

First off I’d like to say that I absolutely love this website and the fact that so many women have been able to overcome their insecurities about their labia. The majority of women and girls who are insecure and want labiaplasty are normal and there is nothing wrong with their labia, therefore shouldn’t have it done. On the subject of labiaplasty, I’d just like to say that the procedure itself, when stripped to the core, carries very low risk (asides from the risk that comes with any surgery). The labia majora is a very vascular area and, in women with labial hypertrophy (long labia) have little nerves in the ends of the labia. The risk lies in women who choose under-qualified surgeons or worse get low budget labiaplasties. These surgeons remove the labia clumsily for purely aesthetic results which can leave the vulva botched. There are some women with no diagnosable medical issues with their vulvas who’s lives are vastly improved by the surgery. I was well aware that what I had was natural and beautiful yet it just got in the way too much. Bear in mind mine were very much longer than average, in the top percentile in fact. Labia that poke out and are visible and long are fine. My point is that simply telling girls to NOT do this procedure won’t solve the problem. When young girls are told to not do something they’re desperate to do it only makes them worse. We have to educate about labia self love but we can’t censor labiaplasty. It wasn’t invented because of porn. I didn’t do it to look like a pornstar. Instead of being told that I was obviously doing it for men and porn, I had a supportive mother who listened and understood why I was considering this. I was able to have my procedure done with a brilliant surgeon who specialises in vulval, vaginal and cervical cancer. He did not operate on the sensitive tissue around my clitoris and I still have labia minora. Also, there is no stigma around men having surgery to correct excessively long foreskin. It gets in the way and causes insecurity too, yet somehow when a man gets an operation to help his sex life and comfort it’s totally fine. And yes I understand the vulva is more complex than the foreskin, but labiaplasty shouldn’t involve the complex nerves around the clitoris and should only be performed on women with excessive labia. Just because we want to change an intimate area DOES NOT mean it’s to look like pornstars, we have our reasons. It’s not a shame that I had this procedure, my labia are still valid and I’m not a pushover. Also LARGE LABIA ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! I have no problem with them!! I just think it’s inadvertently sexist to not allow women to make a choice about their bodies.

Thank you for your insightful submission.

I need to be clear about my stance on labiaplasty surgery: I am not fundamentally opposed to it in all circumstances. It has its place. It’s place is not only limited to cases where it is medically necessary. Where the labia are causing discomfort during physical activities which can’t be managed, and are affecting quality of life, it may be appropriate. Where the labia are affecting self-esteem and this can’t be addressed through counseling or a change in mind-set, labiaplasty may be something to consider.

What I am opposed to is hasty decisions to undergo the procedure where physical discomfort CAN be managed, or where self-esteem issues CAN be overcome. In this sense, my stance on labiaplasty is that it should be done for the right reasons and should be done as a last resort.

Many women, like you, who undergo labiaplasty for the right reasons, can live happier lives after the surgery. On the other hand, when done for the wrong reasons and as a quick-fix, it can lead to further insecurities and create new self-esteem problems, instead of solving perceived problems.

Many of the submissions on this site are from women who say that they considered undergoing surgery because of perceptions that their labia were abnormal, and that after educating themselves about what is normal, have reached a point where they embrace and love their labia as they are. They are relieved that they did not hastily go through with the procedure, and that they took the time to learn that their perceived abnormalities were absolutely normal.

I’m glad that your labiaplasty surgery was a positive experience and that it has improved your life. The issue is not a one-size-fits-all situation, and a decision on surgery is a personal one which nobody should be shamed for going through with.

Clare xo

16 and insecure about the way my vulva looks

im 16 and have never done anything past making out with a guy. i think it’s because im really insecure about the way my vulva looks. my labia minora are longer and can be seen from the front and when i open my legs they are even more visible and i hate the way they look. i have been researching it loads and most guys say they prefer when its all neat and tucked away. from reading this blog i realise im not the only one that looks this way but im still scared as most boys my age have only seen the vulvas in porn and i feel like they wont think im normal or will be disgusted or freaked out. i wish that boys could be shown what most vulvas look like in sex education at school or that big labia were shown in porn. i have even considered a labiaplasty because i really hate how insecure it makes me. i am really confident about my appearance apart from this and i really need help in how to not be so insecure and how embarrassed it makes me.

I’m so happy that the Labia Project has helped you to realize that you are not alone in experiencing these insecurities.

You are still at an age where you are learning about your own body and your sexuality, and you should not be in a hurry to get intimate with a guy. It is a big step, and you should take it when you meet the right guy, and more importantly, when you have reached a point where you are comfortable with your own body. Opening up about your insecurities through your submission was the first big step in your journey towards reaching that point, and I am so proud of you for taking that step.

Many women with similar insecurities to yours, find it helpful to spend time self-exploring with a mirror – the vulva is an amazing organ and no two are alike. When you have some privacy and are not under time-pressures, take a mirror and take a good look at your vulva. Do this daily. Tell yourself that you are beautiful and unique (because you are).

Also, be careful of believing everything that you read on the internet about what guys’ preferences are when it comes to vulvas. There is a lot of misinformation on the internet, and what you read will often not represent the views and preferences of the average guy.

You correctly mention that sex-ed does not do enough to educate guys and girls about what is normal. Sex-ed is a golden opportunity to shape young peoples’ perceptions of what is normal, and sadly, that opportunity is usually not put to good use. That’s one of the major reasons the Labia Project exists – to spread education about what is normal, to break down stereotypes, and to celebrate the beauty of variety in womens’ labia.

Clare xo

Self-conscious about my labia discoloration

self-conscious about my labia discolorationI’m 30 years old and just now paying attention to the way I look down there. These entries have really helped me understand the vast differences and beauty of the human body. I think women are way harder on themselves then men are when they look at us. I have never even thought about my labia being different until recently. I realized it’s not easy to get “inside” without spreading them apart. Which had me looking at why, and then realizing it’s not very pretty down there. I got really self-conscious about my labia discoloration and then I found this site. Thank you! I think confidence goes so much farther than we realize. If you own it, and are confident in who you are, no man or woman is going to worry about how it may look. Be proud! I don’t love my discoloration or length of labia, and I am not a fan of my pregnancy hemorrhoids leaving there mark…. but overall I don’t think anyone who has seen them cares, and anyone that cares… well they shouldn’t see them.

Thank you for sharing your picture and story – it’s great that you have managed to reach a point where you have such a positive attitude!

Clare xo

My Story: My Long Inner Labia

Great blog Clare, thank you. I didn’t have the bravery to post my photo, and I am filled with the utmost respect and gratitude for the women that did. I am late 30’s now and have, finally, learned to love myself, including my long inner labia that are frilly and tinged with dark coloration. I was aware growing up that I looked different from my sister, but didn’t really think about it a great deal. Then, at 19, a frank conversation with my first long-term boyfriend and sexual partner in which he described my vagina as “huge” started me on the road to insecurity, to thinking I was so abnormal and different to other girls. He didn’t mean it hurtfully, we were just being honest and open, but it left its mark! I felt self-conscious about it for years and years and always came around to asking subsequent partners whether I had a weird-looking one. I think my favourite answer was something like: ‘well, they’re all different, all great’. My husband, goes one step further and actively prefers this type. Yes, there are plenty of us out there 😊

I am not sure if it will help anyone else, but it helped me to hold onto the thought that we are all completely unique: there is no-one else in the world who is the same as you, with your own particular brand of personality and beauty. First, strive to understand its depths, then embrace it, enjoy it, and surround yourself with people who recognise it in you. This latter bit may take some time (it has for me), but life is long, and you’ll cross many paths, gradually building up a loyal entourage along the way. And… please don’t have surgery solely because you think you’re ‘abnormal’. I am so glad I didn’t in my 20’s (which was, I fear, mainly a result of never having heard of labiaplasty in those days). On this point, I think ‘The Perfect Vagina‘ documentary (linked in a previous posting) is definitely worth a watch.

Thank you for sharing your story and wonderful insights 🙂

Clare xo

The lips of my vagina are shriveled and wrinkly

The lips of my vagina are shrivelled and wrinklyThe lips of my vagina are shriveled and wrinkly and discolored. I am only 20 and have never had sex but they are still like this and it only happened in like the last year or so. The main thing that is annoying me and making me insecure is that they are really noticeable when I am wearing bikinis. I look at other ppl in bikinis and they are completely normal. It is making me not want to wear them but it’s now summer vacation and I am going to the beach. Also they are really noticeable in my underwear. They sort of bulge and look really abnormal. Pls help!!

Thank you for submitting.

There’s a perception that labia minora are supposed to be pink, symmetrical, smooth instead of textured, and tucked away between the labia majora. Labia that look that way are wonderful, but so are all the ones that don’t! It is very common for women to have labia minora that are frilly and uneven, and there’s a huge range of coloration that is normal. To be clear, there is absolutely nothing abnormal about yours.

Given your insecurities when wearing bikinis, you may feel more comfortable wearing padded swimsuit bottoms or swimming shorts which hide the bulge or make it less obvious. Wearing patterned or black bottoms is also helpful as it makes the countours down there less visible.

Clare xo

I hate my labia

I hate my labia puffed up anus

I’m 19 and I hate my labia so much. They have made me so insecure and caused so much discomfort it’s unreal I also hate my anus it’s so weird and puffed up and everything down there is so dark and has so much excess skin I hate it. Please help I’m ready to cut everything off myself I’m so self conscious about it and I feel like a freak.

I’m so sorry that you have experienced so much discomfort as a result of your labia.

Please don’t do anything drastic like trying to cut your labia off – not only could you get a nasty infection, but you may also cut a blood vessel which can lead to lots of blood and a trip to the emergency ward.

I can assure you that at an aesthetic level, you look healthy and normal. There are ways to reduce the physical discomfort caused by your labia. Read my reply to this post for some useful tips.

The biggest challenge that you will have to overcome is accepting your labia as they are. This is easier said than done, and will require you to work through your insecurities. Making this submission was the first important step in that journey. This post by Coach Jane will also help.

With regard to your anus, it looks like you may have had hemorrhoids (swollen veins, similar to varicose veins) at some point in the past. These are very common, and three quarters of all adults experience them at some point. They are also usually not a major medical concern, and if they cause any physical discomfort, they can be removed through a relatively minor procedure.

If you ever need someone to talk to about your insecurities, please don’t hesitate to e-mail me. I’m here to listen and will never be judgmental.

Clare xo

Long dangly labia causing insecurities

long dangly labia dangly labia frilly labia labia lipsI’m in the same boat as a lot of women on here. I’ve read the positive comments and they’re wonderful to hear, but as a 21 year old with long dangly labia sexual encounters can be scary. I’ve only had one person mention it, and he said “oh wow you have big lips”, I was done there.

In high school, what I always heard was oh large lips she’s a hoe blah blah blah. It was like okay I’m a virgin and mine are like that. I guess it could be said that I’ve been traumatized mentally. I’m very insecure about my body and as I’ve seen some women on here expressing, I’m very uncomfortable wearing a bathing suit or a male/female see me in my underwear as I’m bi. That’s another issue, I get very uncomfortable with women because I know I’m different and I know how judgmental we can be. Which also goes hand in hand with being uncomfortable with a man as I’ve only really known other women to have really small labia and none to have long dangly labia like mine.

I feel like there’s something wrong with me and I honestly don’t know what to do. Surgery isn’t an option for me, I refuse to alter my body to please someone else, but I don’t know how to become more confident. I’m so scared to be judged for it or talked about behind my back. I’m not really sure what to do.

I’m so sorry that you have been at the receiving end of such insensitive comments. High school is an environment where misinformation is rife. Many womens’ insecurities are the result of things that are said during school, especially by boys (who obviously have little to no experience of the female anatomy, and are talking from a point of ignorance).

You will see from the Innie vs Outie Vagina Poll that I recently ran, that most women actually have labia minora that stick out of their labia majora, just like you.

The issues that you are experiencing are a product of an internal problem rather than an external problem. I’m glad that you mentioned that surgery isn’t an option for you. It shouldn’t be. You may wish to tell your gynecologist about your insecurities the next time you see her – he / she sees many vulvas every day, and will be able to reassure you that you are perfectly normal.

Clare xo

Learning to love my natural hair and labia

Natural hair and labiaI’m 31 years old and after years of insecurities I’m finally learning to love my natural hair and labia. Thank you for this blog, it has helped me and I’m sure many others too!

I’m so happy to hear that you have made progress in coming to terms with your bodily hair and labia. It is also encouraging to hear that the Labia Project has helped you in your journey towards self-acceptance.

Clare xo