I’m an 18 year old lesbian, and i hate how i look. Ive always hated the way my vulva appears, and a doctor has commented my clitoral hood is larger than average when i was younger. Ive found that my friends who are girls are very judgemental over how vulvas look, with my closest 2 friends saying they hated how “outies” looked, and how they hated “beef curtains” like mine, but i was too scared to tell them to stop as that’s unfortunately what i look like. As a lesbian i have been eaten out before, and although she didn’t comment she seemed to be not enjoying it, and never did it again, and i’m worried this is due to my vulvas appearance, and im afraid to ever be intimate with another girl again, as i’m too poor to afford labiaplasty.
Every time I read a submission such as yours, I wonder what I’m going to see when I view the attached photo. And every time I am awestruck—because what I see is a lovely example of a beautiful labia and clitoral hood made by mother nature. Your labia and clitoral hood are perfect. Comments your friends have made about vulvas are not only cruel and unfortunate, they reflect a lack of maturity and understanding: labia and clitoral hoods come in all shapes, sizes and colors and your only assignment is to ignore the voices of ignorance and to love yourself just as you are. These comments also reflect a shallow culture that somehow believes it has the right to criticize and judge our vulvas based on appearance. Whole industries have arisen in recent years with the sole mission of getting perfectly made women to believe they are defective so they’ll pay thousands of dollars to be “fixed.”
As you are experiencing already, lack of self-love (especially around appearance of genitals) is a libido-killer. The research on this is crystal clear. So here is what I recommend for you. Take some time to look at lots of labia. The labia library on this site is a great starting place. If you like books, you can also check out Joani Blank’s Femalia, Nick Karra’s Petals, or Rufas Camphausen’s, The Yoni: Sacred Symbol of Female Creative Power. Spend time looking at your labia in a hand-held mirror (5 minutes daily for 60 days) and sending her love. Touch your labia as you look and feel the pleasure she gives you. Look at her with reverence, kindness and tenderness. She is the seat of your pleasure. Accept her as she is!
As for a partner’s response to oral sex, from what you have written, it is impossible to tell what your partner’s issue was with oral sex. You’ve told yourself a story that her reaction was about your labia/clitoral hood. I’d encourage you to re-write that story: her reaction may have had nothing whatsoever to do with you—so make a choice that you do not have to take that on.
And finally, labiaplasty has to be one of the most bizarre surgeries out there with increasing numbers of women maiming themselves so that their labia have a porn-perfect look. Labiaplasty comes with all sorts of risks, including lasting vulvar pain, diminished sexual/sensual pleasure, and a look that is even less pleasing than before. Giving up a lifetime of pleasure for a porn-perfect labia can be a tragic choice for women. I hope you choose the path of self-acceptance!
xo, Coach Jane