Complex about my vulva

complex about my vulvaHello, I’m French and I translated my story … so I hope it’ll be fine! I’m 26, and I’ve always had a complex about my vulva since I was a teenager. As a result of hearing things said by the guys (and even girls…), I developed a shame for this part of my body. You know, when people talk to each other about sexuality?

“We like only « little » pussies”

“She was really hot, too bad she has a big fat cunt, ewww”

All my life I’ve heard people around me talk about vulva like that.

One day, the guy I dated for a year, allowed himself to judge my vulva. That day, my world collapsed and I heard what I was afraid to hear for years. I have never managed to rebuild myself since this episode. After several years of trying to move forward with my complex, I found that it was just getting worse.

I could not look at my vulva without being sad, without feeling ugly and disgusting. My sex life was affected, and also my confidence. Even physically, I sometimes felt like a “piece of meat” between my legs, something that bothered me. I felt it all the time, it was there, like a burden. I was very affected by this complex and I could not move forward, so I decided to have surgery.

It was certainly the most difficult pain I have ever experienced. I was alone, I had not even spoken to my family, and some of my friends had done this operation and sold it to me as a liberator. For me I must say that it was very difficult, even if I was 100% sure that I wanted to do it and that I needed it. Psychologically it was very difficult, and physically even more so.

And all this for what ? Today I still have a complex about my vulva. And I understood that my complex did not come from my inner labia particularly, but from the whole of my vulva, and especially, that my complex was a psychological block, a trauma that I had lived and also that was built on a whole adolescence. I need to work with a psychologist, and now I need to intervene when I hear people say downright things about the sexuality or the body of others in public. These attacks, these judgments ruined part of my life, ruined image that I have of myself and my body. Because when you are young, people’s opinions care.

Today I am a little more awake on all these subjects, but it is still very difficult for me to detach myself from the people’s judgments.

Yes, my vulva is “full”, she is plump. Yes the hood of my clitoris is big, full of extra skin, yes it’s visible between my legs. Yes, I had small lips bigger than my labia, yes I did an operation but nothing changed: I don’t accept myself, I see my vulva like an ugly thing, I don’t accept that I can look at her or love her.

Please, take care of each other, be kind and respectful.

Thank you for being brave enough to open up about your story, and for sharing your pictures.

Many women view surgery as a quick-fix which will immediately solve their body issues. As your story shows, the reality is very different from this. Many women continue to be self-conscious about their vulvas, and regret going under the knife.

One very positive thing comes out of your story. You have realized the value and importance of seeing a psychologist to help you to work through your issues. You have realized that your issues are internal, and that the solution to them lies within. I know that the process of confronting and working through these issues will not be easy. Please don’t be discouraged. Please be brave. You can overcome them.

Clare xo

One thought on “Complex about my vulva

  1. Anne-Sophie

    I just wanted to say that your story moved me a lot, as I feel the same lack of confidence about my vulva as you, even if it has gotten a lot better thanks to this website. People can be so mean when they talk about the appearance of others, whereas differences are what make us special and interesting.
    I wish you all the best during your journey of self-acceptance, and to meet people who like you for the good reasons.
    From an other 26 years-old French woman


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