Felt ashamed because my vagina wasn’t normal

I’m 20, nearly 21 years of age. I had been with my high school boyfriend from the age of 13 up until 18, for the three years I was sexually active with him we always had sex in the dark, and he never went down on me. This was all because I felt some what diffrent and ashamed because my vagina wasn’t normal well I tell you what. What isn’t normal is me wasting those three years having boring in the dark sex because society made me feel as though I wasn’t normal. I broke up with him and had a few sexual partners in between, all of which yes I still had sex in the dark and no oral, mostly because they where just drunken hook ups and I wasn’t prepared to let them tell there friends about my vagina when I was done with them. My life changed when I meet my current partner. Was scared at first, I won’t lie. The first time we had sex, you guessed it, in the dark. Haha but after that I let my guard down a little, the lights where left on a couple of times, he never said anything. In saying that he thinks I’m God’s Gift in his eyes. (So sweet). Sex aside, whenever I would get dressed he would comment on why I would always cover that specific area, with my hand or maybe my undies my reply was always “I don’t like my vagina” I’m sure to this day (2 years later) he still thinks I was joking around. He thinks I’m perfect, I let him go down on me orally for the first time, he couldn’t believe he was the only person I had let. Something just felt so right with him, no judgements nothing. All of this shame and sadness all because I thought my vagina wasn’t normal ahaha all this porn crap, society this society that means nothing, at the end of the day you have to feel comfortable with you so who cares what other people think. If a guy doesn’t want to have sex with you because of it well that’s his loss, I’m sure someone else would happily take his place. Don’t worry about the little stuff in life that can’t be changed, your born with it. So use it, who cares. Anyone you y’all to will hate something about themselves, it’s jusy life. So live it xx

Congratulations on learning to love yourself and your vulva! It is wonderful that you worked through your fears and came to realize that it really is about self-love and self-acceptance. I’m glad you also now understand that the time we spend fearing that we’re abnormal (when we’re as perfect as nature made us!) just keeps us from enjoying sexual pleasure. It is also lovely to read that you have a partner who thinks your God’s Gift—we all deserve partners like that! 

Take care, Coach Jane

One thought on “Felt ashamed because my vagina wasn’t normal

  1. LJC

    The man involved can make all the difference….I’m 58 years old, have been self-conscious about my vulva and labia for my entire adult life….until 2 years ago when I took a lover, and due to past history with this lovely man (not a sexual history, BTW), I decided to tell him about my insecurities, and why I wanted the lights off, all the time. We talked frankly, he told me that I was normal (why does this man know more about me, than me?), pointed me to The Labia Project (again, why was I so uninformed), and in fairly short order, my comfort zone expanded in a way I’d never realized was possible. Neither of my other long-term lovers (yeah, not much experience here), ever said anything and I enjoyed in the dark oral sex with both, but I never, ever wanted the lights on……I’m totally OK with it now, thanks to one frank, informed and generous man.


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