Hi Clare, I’ve been coming back to this blog for years now, I am disgusted by my labia and I have felt this way for as long as I remember. I have had sex before but it was completely dark and with someone I didn’t care about and did not let him touch me, it was more to “get it over with” I’m 21 now, this happened last December. I currently have a boyfriend who is so caring and knows I am insecure. I have done things to him but have not let him do anything to or see me. I want to be able to have sex with him and not be so self conscious but I don’t know how to accept myself. I am not self conscious about anything else, I am very accepting of every other aspect of my body, scars, acne you name it but I just can’t work out how to get over this. I know my labia are normal but I just find them so unattractive and gross, I struggle with hygiene and I feel like I just can’t keep them clean unless I shower like 4 times a day. I’m not sure what answer I’m looking for but just wanted to share. Thank you for what you do 🙂
Thank you for sharing.
It sounds like you’re in a very difficult place. You know that your labia are normal, and yet you can’t help feeling like they are unattractive and dirty.
The only way to get over your insecurities is to confront them head-on. The first step is understanding where they come from. You may be able to figure this out by identifying when you first felt this way and what may have triggered the feeling. For example, did someone make a negative comment when you were younger, or did you see or read something that implied that more prominent labia are unattractive? Any of these events may have caused subconscious trauma which causes you to feel this way.
Once you have identified the original source of your insecurity, you will have the difficult task of working through it.
Talking to a professional who you trust and feel comfortable with (such as a therapist or counselor) in a safe environment, would be a good idea. That person will be able to help you to navigate the process of identifying the source of your insecurity and working through it. The process is difficult, but it will be worth it when you come out on the other side having healed and feeling better about yourself.
With regard to you feeling like your vagina is dirty and showering many times a day, the vagina is a self-cleaning organ. The body ensures that a balanced environment with a specific PH level is maintained, which is necessary for it to remain healthy and hygienic. Too much washing (especially scrubbing down there, and using soap / cleaning products) can disturb the delicate balance in that environment and lead to infections. One shower a day should be sufficient.