I don’t like the appearance of my vulva

I don't like the appearance of my vulva  disgusting labiaingrown hair on labiaHi there! 23 year old American mom of two! Like most other women here (and around the world) I don’t like the appearance of my vulva – the whole thing just offends my eyes. Both sets of labia, the clit, the vaginal opening…every piece has it’s own little flaw (in my mind) that eats away at me all the time. It’s bothered me since I was 14!

I’ve never heard any complaints, and in fact have received compliments from more than one partner! But does that change my opinion? Unfortunately, no.

The appearance of my “lady bits” has caused me more psychological and emotional discomfort than any other part of my body, and that’s saying a lot (not getting into that). I think about it in the shower, during sex or masturbation, going to the restroom, or even just getting dressed! Any time I’m bare, I stop to look and I’m always saddened by what I see.

I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time looking at photos of vulva (including my own) trying to make myself feel better. I look in the mirror often trying to find the “positives”. I read about women who get labiaplasty and are still unhappy with their appearance and nothing really helps.

I hate that my outer labia are lacking volume. I hate the color, length, shape, assymetry, “floppiness” and “sloppiness” of my inner labia. And I hate that my vaginal opening appears so wideset and the vaginal canal is so exposed.

I recently got into a long distance relationship and of course we exchange pictures often. Sending pictures of my pussy make me so uncomfortable but I do it because I feel like I “have to”.

I know they’re normal, why can’t I just accept it?

Thank you for being brave enough to open up about your insecurities.

The first thing that I need to assure you of, is that you are not alone. The Labia Project owes its existence to the fact that millions of women out there experience insecurities regarding their vulvas.

The second thing that I need to tell you is that although it’s clear that you are hurting and struggling to accept your body, you have already overcome one massive hurdle. You said “I know they’re normal”. The logical part of your brain already knows that your labia are normal. This means that you know that the problem is an internal one rather than an external one.

Make no mistake, dealing with internal insecurities is not easy. It’s a long road, and healing cannot happen overnight. It will involve confronting your insecurities head-on, which is an uncomfortable process.

If you are able to speak to a professional (such as a psychologist or counselor), I advise you to do so. These professionals have ethical duties of confidentiality, so they would not divulge what you share with them. Talking through your insecurities is an important part of confronting them.

You are also welcome to reach out to me anytime you want to share your thoughts and insecurities. The philosophy of this project is to provide a caring and non-judgmental space to open up and heal.

Clare xo

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