Wanting to be more involved

Hello! I’m a woman who has a visible labia and also works in the adult industry as I feel it to be part of my soul’s mission to make my body type more normalized. I also just left a response to a “roast beef” slander meme today in support of women’s bodies that left me blocked from the entire group. I would really like to become involved in a larger movement in support of this, so I am just wondering if there are ways I could volunteer or otherwise get more word out about this project? I wouldn’t want to use the name without getting in contact with you guys first! Thank you for reading and I hope this finds you well and that you are having a good day.

It’s great that you want to become involved in the important movement that the Labia Project represents. The challenge of normalizing perceptions around larger labia becomes easier with committed people joining the cause.

You’re most welcome to spread awareness about the Labia Project in any way that you can.

May I ask what you do in the adult industry? Have you ever been treated differently (either in a good way or a bad way) because of your visible labia?

Clare xo

I hate my labia so much

Hi, I’m 15 years old and I hate my labia so much. They are very large and hang and I’m so embarrassed. I don’t want anyone to ever see me naked. I hate looking at my self naked. It makes me so sad.

I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles with body-image.

I hope I can make you feel better by reassuring you, firstly, that many girls feel the same way you do (you are not alone in feeling that way), and secondly, that it is absolutely normal to have an outie (inner labia that stick out through the outer labia).

I’ve been running an innie vs outie poll, and around 3 out of 4 women who participated have an outie. That was even more than I expected when I put up the poll! (I expected it to be closer to 1 in 2, or as much as 2 in 3). 

You are still young and should be enjoying your teenage years rather than agonizing about your body and what people will think of it. Please don’t rush into anything sexual with a guy – rather wait for the right guy to come along, and first work on accepting and embracing your body as it is.

Clare xo

My labia started to grow during puberty

I’m 17, and when my labia started to grow during puberty I couldn’t help but freak out. “They never showed us this anywhere! Not in school, not in porn.” I thought something was wrong. As a 10 year old I was still a virgin, but after some google searches I genuinely thought I had an STD after reading “swollen labia”.

That worry soon faded as you couldn’t just randomly get an STD, but I still hated the way it looked. “It wasn’t normal, right?”

I wanted to cut them off with scissors from a VERY early age, but it obviously hurt too much.

Then, I started getting sexually active. It taught me a lot. After 8 months of hiding my labia while I was in a relationship, I finally had sex. At first I covered my downstairs region, but after tons of reassurance, I finally showed my boyfriend. Up until that point I was just too scared to let him see…

But when he saw it he looked me in the eye and asked what was so wrong about it.
Apparently it was okay. He was okay with it. It was… normal.

He didn’t seem surprised or disgusted or put off. It didn’t ruin the mood or anything at all. He actually really didn’t think there was anything wrong with it.

We ended up breaking up for reasons that have nothing to do with it, and I ended up having a few other partners. I feared that maybe my ex was just one in a million, and that all the other guys would freak out.

They didn’t. None. They all told me it looked normal, that it was natural. My current boyfriend told me he actually loves it.

Not a single guy gave me a look of disgust. Not a single boyfriend, fwb or hookup said anything negative. I have always had this insecurity, as if I have to warn them about it. As if it’s something bad. They always told me that it was natural, that a lot of girls have it. That it isn’t anything bad.

What I’m trying to tell you by this is that it actually is normal. I’m still in the process of loving my labia and I know I’m not there yet, but I know I’ll get there someday. There will be a moment where you’ll become close enough with someone to actually open up and show them. It might take a while, but that’s okay. The person you’ll show it to will not look at your labia in disgust, and they won’t tell you it’s ugly. They’ll tell you the things I’ve been told: that it’s normal.

This will be the first step of accepting it. You’ll have to realize that it’s okay, that it’s natural. That the only person who will ever think badly about it is you.

You don’t have to change yourself or get surgery: it’s already beautiful as it is.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful story <3

Clare xo

Labiaplasty surgery and menopause

I had labiaplasty in my late 30’s. I had always been self conscious about the appearance of my labia. Now I have gone into menopause and I can tell you that my labiaplasty surgery and menopause is causing real issues. I have constant irritation and urinary tract infections that I attribute to having the surgery. I have less sensitivity and lubrication diminished somewhat after the surgery and now in menopause I have zero ability to self lubricate or feeling. So if you are thinking of having the surgery do not. It will
cause more problems when you are older than it is worth. I am 49 years old.

Thank you for sharing your experience. While I generally try to present a balanced view on labiaplasty surgery (by promoting free choice instead of simply shooting it down by default), stories like yours make it clear that it can often be short-sighted to undergo the surgery where it is not absolutely necessary (i.e. not purely for cosmetic reasons).

I’m sorry that you are going through these problems – it may be worth chatting to your gynecologist to try and manage them and reduce your discomfort.

Clare xo

Vagina judged by a guy

Many women write to me to express their fears about having their vulva or vagina judged by a guy or being considered unattractive, and they are reluctant to have sex because of this.

They are often consumed by anxiety which can affect many areas of their lives, ruin their teenage and adult years, and lead to depression and other psychological issues.

 The reality is that plenty of men are self conscious as well. Men and women both experience anxiety about how they look, how they will be perceived, and whether they will be judged harshly by a partner.

Anther aspect to consider about a man’s dating life:

A man has to find the courage to walk up to a woman, say that he likes her, be funny and interesting, have an erection, maintain it, don’t ejaculate prematurely, and make her reach orgasm.

Please don’t let your anxiety consume you. Accept that we’re all a little odd in one way or another, and that’s what makes us special and unique as individuals.

My vagina is destroying my self confidence

Hi Clare, I’m 16 years old and my labia, and the overall look of my vagina is destroying my self confidence completely. For as long as i can remember now I’ve always felt horrible about the way I look down there, and recently its gotten to the point that it’s on my mind literally 24/7 and just wont leave me alone, it literally just makes me want to cry 24/7. Throughout my short life I’ ve already struggled very hard with mental health, being diagnosed as a manic depressive at 14 and honestly my vagina has gotten to the point where its causing a continuous worstening of my depression, it literally just makes me want to die. Being confident with the rest of the way my body looks, I get a lot of attention from guys and have had one or two serious boyfriends that I had to leave because whenever it got to the point of sexual I would completely freak out, the idea of loosing my virginity soley for the idea of someone seeing my vagina scares me beyond words. I’ve also always been better friends with guys but being at the age I am now, it constantly gets to the point of sexual tension and when ir efuse i’ve been called all sorts of names, and i just cant stand it. Its literally making me sick, and I don’t know what to do I don’t have anyone in my family I can speak to about this, I don’t have any girlfriends i would feel even slightly confortable talking with either. My family is definetely on the poor side and we struggle with everyday essentials such as groceries so getting a surgery anytime soon with financial help is completely out of the question. I’ve started picking up extra shifts at my part time job just in the hope that by the time I’m 18 I will have enough money to afford a surgery. I feel like my labia is literally destroying and taking away my teenage life and I have no clue what to do. After finding your blog it has opened my eyes a lot more but it still hasn’t helped me feel better. I just don’t know what to do, it honestly just makes me want to die, I truly hate myself just because of my vagina.

I’m very proud of you for being brave enough to contact me and open up about your insecurities. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s clear that this is a huge struggle in your life.

I can assure you of two things. First, you’re not alone in feeling insecure about this, as many girls / women experience similar insecurities. Secondly, chances are you’re 100% normal from a physical perspective – there’s a big range of labia sizes that fall within normal range, and no two are exactly alike. If you spend some time browsing through the submissions on the Labia Project, you will get a better idea of what I mean.

Getting over insecurities like yours is not an easy process. The good news is that you can reach a point of self-acceptance at the end of that process. Many women contact me after struggling with this for years, to tell me they finally accept and love themselves as they are.

Please don’t feel rushed or pressured into having sex. You are still young and need to be completely ready when you become sexual with someone. Once you have overcome these issues (in part at least), you could consider sharing your body and intimacy with someone else.

It would be a good idea for you to find someone you can confide in. Since you don’t have any family or friends that you would feel comfortable opening up to, perhaps a school counsellor would be worth considering.

Please contact me any time you need someone to talk to about your issues. I will always be here for you and I will always be understanding and never judgmental.

Clare xo

Super self conscious of my Vulva

self conscious of my vulvaI’ve recently started to be super self conscious of my Vulva even though several doctors recently have told me I am perfectly normal. Thanks for your site 🙂

Thank you for your submission. Your doctors are 100% correct – you are perfectly normal. I understand that hearing that from your doctors, or even from me, is not an automatic solution to help you realize that you are normal.

Please spend some time going through the submissions on this blog, which showcase the huge amount of diversity in vulvas that exists – all of which are perfectly normal, and each of which is unique. There is beauty in being unique and one-of-a-kind. You are beautiful.

Clare xo

Insecure about how I look down there

Insecure about how I look down thereHey I’m 19 years old and I am so insecure about how I look down there. I feel so much disgust for myself and I never had a boyfriend because of my insecurities. Does this look normal because everytime I look at me I just think that this is wrong. Even though I looked through your blog and felt a little bit better, there is a switch in my head, telling me that I am wrong.

I’m here to tell you that you’re perfectly right and perfectly normal. The Labia Project exists to remind you of that fact anytime the voice in your head says otherwise.

Please don’t rush into intimacy with a guy. It’s important for you to first accept and embrace yourself as you are, as it is unhealthy and dangerous to seek affirmation from a partner when you are self-conscious about yourself. When you reach the point of self-acceptance, you will be able to have a fulfilled and happy sexual relationship with the right guy.

Clare xo