My vagina is destroying my self confidence

Hi Clare, I’m 16 years old and my labia, and the overall look of my vagina is destroying my self confidence completely. For as long as i can remember now I’ve always felt horrible about the way I look down there, and recently its gotten to the point that it’s on my mind literally 24/7 and just wont leave me alone, it literally just makes me want to cry 24/7. Throughout my short life I’ ve already struggled very hard with mental health, being diagnosed as a manic depressive at 14 and honestly my vagina has gotten to the point where its causing a continuous worstening of my depression, it literally just makes me want to die. Being confident with the rest of the way my body looks, I get a lot of attention from guys and have had one or two serious boyfriends that I had to leave because whenever it got to the point of sexual I would completely freak out, the idea of loosing my virginity soley for the idea of someone seeing my vagina scares me beyond words. I’ve also always been better friends with guys but being at the age I am now, it constantly gets to the point of sexual tension and when ir efuse i’ve been called all sorts of names, and i just cant stand it. Its literally making me sick, and I don’t know what to do I don’t have anyone in my family I can speak to about this, I don’t have any girlfriends i would feel even slightly confortable talking with either. My family is definetely on the poor side and we struggle with everyday essentials such as groceries so getting a surgery anytime soon with financial help is completely out of the question. I’ve started picking up extra shifts at my part time job just in the hope that by the time I’m 18 I will have enough money to afford a surgery. I feel like my labia is literally destroying and taking away my teenage life and I have no clue what to do. After finding your blog it has opened my eyes a lot more but it still hasn’t helped me feel better. I just don’t know what to do, it honestly just makes me want to die, I truly hate myself just because of my vagina.

I’m very proud of you for being brave enough to contact me and open up about your insecurities. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. It’s clear that this is a huge struggle in your life.

I can assure you of two things. First, you’re not alone in feeling insecure about this, as many girls / women experience similar insecurities. Secondly, chances are you’re 100% normal from a physical perspective – there’s a big range of labia sizes that fall within normal range, and no two are exactly alike. If you spend some time browsing through the submissions on the Labia Project, you will get a better idea of what I mean.

Getting over insecurities like yours is not an easy process. The good news is that you can reach a point of self-acceptance at the end of that process. Many women contact me after struggling with this for years, to tell me they finally accept and love themselves as they are.

Please don’t feel rushed or pressured into having sex. You are still young and need to be completely ready when you become sexual with someone. Once you have overcome these issues (in part at least), you could consider sharing your body and intimacy with someone else.

It would be a good idea for you to find someone you can confide in. Since you don’t have any family or friends that you would feel comfortable opening up to, perhaps a school counsellor would be worth considering.

Please contact me any time you need someone to talk to about your issues. I will always be here for you and I will always be understanding and never judgmental.

Clare xo

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